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| God's Busy
If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!!!
A United States Marine was attending some college courses
between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan
. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a
member of the ACLU .
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in he
looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, 'God, if you are real, then I
want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15
minutes.' The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.
Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am
God. I'm still waiting.' It got down to the last couple of minutes
when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and
cold-cocked him, knocking him off the platform. The professor was out
cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The
other students were shocked, stunned, and sat there looking on in
silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked
at the Marine and asked, 'What the heck is the matter with you? Why did
you do that?' The Marine calmly replied, 'God was too busy today
protecting American soldiers who are protecting your right to say
stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So, He sent me.' | | |
| Thought these were pretty funny!
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong
finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is
finished .
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."
A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country,
son."
Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got
married, and by then, it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through life thinking they had no faults at all.
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's
still alive."
AND NOW FOR MY FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their
nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus
arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are
able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a
while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the
blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why
don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is
driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the
end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up." | | |
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Once upon a time, there was this girl who had four boyfriends.
She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him
with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave
him nothing but the best.
She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was
always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared
that one day he would leave her for another.
She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her
confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her...
Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he
would help her get through the difficult times.
The girls 1st boyfriend was a very loyal partner and
had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom.
However, she did not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her
deeply, she hardly took notice of him.
One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was
short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, I now have four
boyfriends with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.'
Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, I loved you the
most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over
you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'
'No way!' replied the 4th boyfriend and he walked away without another word.
His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.
The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend, 'I loved
you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me
company?'
'No!' replied the 3rd boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else!'
Her heart sank and turned cold.
She then asked the 2nd boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me.
When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?'
'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!' replied
the 2nd boyfriend. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your
grave.'
His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.
Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.'
The girl looked up, and there was her 1st boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.
Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance! In truth, you have 4 boyfriends in your lives:
Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter how much
time and effort you lavish in making it look good; it will leave you
when you die.
Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth. When you die, it will all go to others.
Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and friends. No
matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can
stay by you is up to the grave.
And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.
However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow
you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it
is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and
continue with you throughout Eternity.
Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.
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| What is the secret of all success? It is moving from failure to failure with enthusiasm. - Winston Churchill
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This one?
